Freakish Frenzy

Am I compulsive??

I don't know why but off late I have been wanting things to happen in a certain way and if they don't I cant seem to handle it. I get this weird freakish feeling if things don't turn up the way  wanted them to and sometimes it drives me mad. Why can't I get myself to accept the fact that certain things will remain the way they are. For example if i am looking forward to something, even a second's delay pisses me off. If I am expecting something whenever I am and it doesn't happen I just cant help crying. 

Oho!

Kya hai ye?

Anyway, I also think its the lack of things to do.

God give me things to do.

But does that make me compulsive? Nahi na?

Lyrical Jazz!

Today I discovered what being beautiful feels like. Lyrical Jazz taught me. It is the most wonderful, the most graceful, the most expressive dance form that I have ever experienced. I felt so beautiful doing it. There were trained people around me who were technically better but I had no eye for them in the huge mirror we were dancing in front of. Each move, each extension, each turn....everything just felt so...peaceful. It was like meditating. Every time the music would play, my body would move without me controlling it.

Off course learning the steps took a lot time and they were very tough. But the expression that I could portray through them, I have never felt anything like it before. 

I understood once more why I love dancing so much. And today I felt gorgeous. I didn't care about my extra inches. Didn't care about the who was watching. No inhibitions. I was in a trance. 

I thought I knew all about Jazz. But this form is so much more than Jazz. Its about reaching out...to yourself. Its about feeling a certain emotion. Its about alienating the world and immersing yourself in music. Its about giving in.

I want to learn more. I will learn more. I will start from the basics and will make myself technically sound as well. I want to look even more beautiful. Much more than what I felt today. "I could have danced all night." My body was tired and my feet were blistered but I didn't care. I wanted to keep doing it. I wanted to go on. I was actually upset when the class got over. 

I love life once more. Much more than I did a few hours back. So much more. 

Lyrical Jazz.... You are more lyrical than your name. So graceful and so expressive!

PS- Happy Birthday pugsie. I Love You!!! Mwaaaaaah!

From the top of my head...

Obama is the 44Th President of USA. A democrat who says 'yes we can...' and promises to bring change. Will he? Wont he? That remains a matter of debate:)

Who will be the next Prime Minister of India? Manmohan after all the allegations by BJP and the Left? Even though Rahul Gandhi is SAYING that he is to inexperienced and naive to be one but who knows what Sonia has in mind? Sharad Pawar? A strong candidate according to some but is he stronger than Nitish? Narendra Modi? The last time I counted about ten candidates were willing and had a chance? Who is stronger this election- UPA or NDA?? A famous journalist said about two weeks back that its an 'issue-less election'...really???

What about LTTE? And Prachanda? And BDR? Taliban? All neighbouring countries are in a mess... Lucky us...not!

And the Global Meltdown?? For once I know why it happened and what it led to...Don't worry I am not going into the details.

The point is that this is what fills my mind these days. I feel smart-er than some. But much more than that I feel dumb for not knowing so much more.

And yeah other things too (on a micro level). The two Grand Birthdays of the year are here:). The far far away phenomenon of my life is giving me a hard time. Weight loss is still an issue (Yoga...I finally came back to you. Treat me well). Belly dancing and Lyrical Jazz are on the list after 18Th (that's the day of my IIMC entrances). Jamia went well. Abstract and ambiguous...loved it. Hoping the examiners will love it too. Best Fraand and macbook and shopping and formals..... the time is coming near. Don't go? Froggy discusses current affairs with me...awwww!! Pugsie is still the person I want to tell everything to. I cried to her today as well ( and trust me I feel so much better).

As for the distances in this life...they are driving me crazy. Mad! I am losing control and i cant seem to let go. Arey ho jayega! Evetually sab ho hi jata hai!

As for Obama...I don't think he is that great. Isn't he after all the propagator of his so called 'superpower' status as well? I think he is. Not that its his fault. Stop expecting great things from the poor guy...he is after all human! And a victim of his own position!